Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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