There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
