Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
