I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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