Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Come share oat with me in your robe
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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