I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
