Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
