That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
