he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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