I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize