Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I AM VODKA MAN
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
