Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
