I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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