you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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