wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
