we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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