The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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