So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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