I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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