So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
