yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
