My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize