I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
