It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
