oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
