I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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