I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
