dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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