I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You are the jesus of drinking
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
