the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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