Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
