This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
