What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
