shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
