And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize