ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
