i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
