you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The power of my boobs compel you
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
