I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
