I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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