Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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