a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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