my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
