we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
