I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
