sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I could make wine with my vomit
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
