Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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