yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
