I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
