Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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