Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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