you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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