You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
