"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize