Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
