did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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