i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize