She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
