Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize