I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
zippers are such a cool invention
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
