My first STD was from a foam party
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize