If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
