You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
