I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
