I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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