what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
