Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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