Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
