i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
