So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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