His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
