You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
