is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
