he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
