you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
