is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
