Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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