Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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