Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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