There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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