yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I want to have your abortion
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
