i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
