I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
