Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
