Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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