hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
