I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
