So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
