Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
