she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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