why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
