You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
