I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
