She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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