Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
