chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
