Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize