So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
