He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
