btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm getting married
To pizza
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
