sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
