the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
