I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
