So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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