I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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