I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
