Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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