that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
